O my friends who are listening to these Notes! You should know that the reason for my sometimes writing down the prayers, entreaties, and supplications of my heart to my Sustainer, which ought to be secret, is to request Divine mercy to accept the words of my writing when death has silenced the words of my tongue. Yes, the repentence and regret of my short-lived tongue is insufficient to atone for my numberless sins. The tongue of writing is constant and permanent to an extent, and more effectual. And so, thirteen years ago,¹² when as the result of an upheaval and storm of the spirit the laughter of the Old Said was being transformed into the weeping of the New Said—at a time I awoke from the heedless sleep of youth in the morning of old age—I wrote these entreaties and supplications in Arabic. The Turkish meaning of a part of them is as follows:

O my Compassionate Sustainer and Munificent Creator! Through making the wrong choice my life and youth are lost and gone, and all that has remained to me as their fruits are grievous sins, abasing sorrows, and misguiding doubts and scruples. I am drawing close to the grave shame-faced with this heavy load and sick heart. Like, without choice or deviating to left or right, all my friends, peers, and relations are dying before my eyes, I too am nearing the door of the grave.

The grave is the first stopping-place on the road leading from this fleeting realm to everlasting separation and all eternity; it is the first door opening onto it. I have understood with absolute certainty that the realm of this world, to which I am attached and by which I am captivated, is transient and will die, will perish and depart. And as is to be observed, the beings within it travel on convoy after convoy and disappear. Especially for those like me with evil-commanding souls, this world is exceedingly cruel and treacherous. For one pleasure, it inflicts a thousand pains. For a single grape, it deals a hundred slaps.

O my Compassionate Sustainer and Munificent Creator! In accordance with the saying “Everything that is coming is close,” I see now that soon I will have donned my shroud, mounted the bier, bade farewell to my friends. Approaching my grave I call out to the Court of Your Mercy through the mute tongue of my corpse and the articulate tongue of my spirit: “Mercy! Mercy! O Most Kind, Most Clement! Deliver me from the shame of my sins!”

Now I have reached the brink of my grave. I am standing at the head of my corpse stretched out beside it. Raising my head to the Court of Your Mercy, I cry out beseeching with all my strength: “Mercy! Mercy! Most Clement! Most Kind! Deliver me from the heavy burden of my sins!”

Now I have entered my grave, I am wrapped in my shroud. Those who ccame to send me on my way have left me alone and departed. I await Your forgiveness and mercy. I see clearly that there is no place of refuge or succour other than You. I cry out with all my strength at the ugly face of sin, the savage form of rebellion against God, at the narrowness of the place:

“Mercy! Mercy! Most Merciful One! Most Clement! Most Kind! Just Judge! Deliver me from the companionship of my ugly sins! Broaden my place! My God! Your mercy is my recourse. Your Beloved, the Mercy to All the Worlds, the means to Your mercy. I complain, not about You, but about my soul and my state.

“O my Munificent Creator and Compassionate Sustainer! Your creature and servant called Said is both rebellious, and impotent, and heedless, and ignorant, and sick, and base, and a sinner, and aged, and a wrong-doer, and like a runaway slave; but after forty years he has repented and wants to return to Your Court. He seeks refuge in Your mercy. He confesses his countless sins and errors. Suffering from doubts and every sort of affliction, he beseeches and entreats You. If out of Your perfect mercy You accept him, if You forgive and have mercy on him, that is anyway Your mark. For You are the Most Merciful of the Merciful. If You do not accept me, which door can I approach? What other door is there? There is no sustainer other than You whose court may be approached. There is no true object of worship other than You in whom I can seek refuge.”

There is no god but You, You are One, You have no partner; the last word in this world, and the first word in the Hereafter, and in the grave, is: I testify that there is no god but God, and I testify that Muhammad is His Prophet, may God Almighty grant him blessings and peace!